Depending on how things go, I’m possibly going on another long trip this year, scouring places like India, South Africa, and South America.You can say that these “accomplishments” are atypical of an average person, much less a girl from Singapore.However, this still did not stop me from having the above concerns, for it is a societal fact that many men (particularly Asians) prefer less domineering, less opinionated females.By being more and more accomplished, I felt I was in fact digging my own grave in the area of romance.Hence, I’m frequently singled out by others for my accomplishments and for being a driven and “fearless” person.Despite people lauding me from a place of good intention, I would feel mixed about being such a “strong” person (read: woman).This reminds me of this incident two years ago where a friend’s friend, Kev, who is a spiritual practitioner, located me in a very busy locale in Hong Kong by way of my aura—during peak hours no less. It got to a point where I questioned my femininity. Rita thought for a while, and said, “I think that might be true for other girls.(I was in Hong Kong then for a business trip.) While my friend Fenix was getting ready to text me and check where I was, Kev simply told him, “No need. But for you Jie, I think it’s more of a case that guys are afraid you would hurt them.” While my immediate reaction was to burst out laughing because the thought of that happening sounded so ludicrous, I immediately stopped to think right after.
these guys aren’t right for me, be it as a friend or as a romantic prospect. I never try to change others because I believe it’s not our place to tell others how they should behave. I put my heart forward in whatever I do and I treat people with full earnestness and respect.Nothing big like earning one million or one billion dollars, but still things I’m proud to have achieved nonetheless.For example, in school, I was a Dean’s Lister and graduated top in my specialization of Marketing.While I’m consistently building on my feminine qualities, I felt—at that time—that my drive, my strength, and achievements were offsetting whatever femininity I had—and in a way, my “appeal” and “draw” towards men.I felt sad and conflicted because it seemed that I was making myself increasingly unappealing to men by virtue of every step I took in my career and growth.Yet another reason could be my presence, which is apparently quite strong. When I asked him how he did that, he said my aura was so strong that it outshone all the people at the locale (probably a hundred at least? All he had to do was simply close his eyes and “follow the light”. so that I would not intimidate guys anymore, or at the very least, not intimidate guys so much that they wouldn’t want to woo me.